The owls are not what they seem
The cult-hit series Twin Peaks — that creepy, mystical, ‘90s murder masterpiece by David Lynch and Mark Frost — is returning to Showtime this Sunday, 25 years after it originally aired. We expect nothing less than full immersion back into the misty, Pacific Northwest melancholy of the original, and we’re ALSO hoping to see more of the retro cars that gave extra dimension to the charmingly flawed characters.
To celebrate the occasion and bring you back to the nightmares from your youth (or the ones just got from binge-watching for the first time), we collected our favorite doppelganger cars here, so you can get your own taste of the Twin Peaks experience. Just watch out for the spirit of Bob, and remember that the log might have a few things to say about you afterwards.
Bobby Briggs’ Plymouth Barracuda
With his mushroom cut, letterman’s jacket, and his penchant to skip football practice whenever he feels like it, who could have more high school swagger than Bobby Briggs? And with his hotrod Cuda in tow, nobody could blame Laura Palmer for manipulating him into becoming her boyfriend. If you’re harnessing a little jealous grudge or need to channel a little bit of Bobby’s rebellious nature for yourself, have no fear, we’ve got the muscle car for you.
Audrey Horne’s Mercedes-Benz 600
Everyone knows the real queen of Twin Peaks wasn’t Laura Palmer. “Well, I’m Audrey Horne, I get what I want” might give you a clue. And as the richest, sauciest teen in town, she was often seen stepping in and out of a one-of-a-kind Mercedes Benz 600 limo. While this beautiful vintage Mercedes isn’t a limo, it’s probably still enough to slyly pick up Special Agent Cooper and see if you can’t probe him with a few questions of your own.
Twin Peaks Sheriff Dept’s Ford Bronco
There are no characters more earnest then Sheriff Harry S. Truman of the Twin Peaks Sheriff Department, which is exactly why, from the beginning, he and Special Agent Cooper hit it off. Harry’s big heart and good intentions make him easy to trust, and just as easy for Josie Packard to woo. But it makes sense, who doesn’t want to have something classic, rugged, and trustworthy on their side? Which is exactly what the Bronco has to offer.
Leo Johnson’s Chevrolet Corvette
Before he learned a few lessons about how not to behave in life, Leo’s firecracker personality and highly inflated sense of self — read: assholeishness — were embodied in his bright red Corvette. Which was obviously a solid choice for the guy who was the main local source of narcotics in town, right? But, listen, if you’re not an ass and you’re looking for above-board ways to feel your own flashy self, the Corvette is absolutely the car for that.
Mike Nelson’s Buick Skylark
To be honest, we never understood what Donna Hayward and her swoon-worthy maxi skirts were doing with Mike Nelson to begin with, but we suppose that’s high school. If there was anything going for him, however, it was his Buick, which was jam-packed with the kind of refined character he clearly aspired to in his affair with Nadine. Mike wasn’t there yet, but with this Lesabre, that refined character can be yours.
Evelyn Marsh’s Chevrolet Corvette
Evelyn Marsh is nothing if not a seductress, and you have to hand it to her: she knows exactly when to break out a bottle of champagne. Just like the fleet of cars that she brings James in to work on and repair, there’s no denying her slick looks and pedigree. In the end, she proves that even with a streak of evil, one’s heart sometimes falls into the right place. To harness your own seductress power, get in touch with this classic Corvette.
Big Ed’s Chevrolet Pickup
Big Ed is the salt-of-the-earth guy you can call whenever anything goes wrong, just like his truck. Even though Ed’s passionate love is saved for Norma, he’s still got enough sturdy toughness to handle the ups and downs of his marriage and his troubled nephew. And that’s exactly what this truck is capable of.
Donna’s Station Wagon
Donna Hayward is the quintessential girl next door. The boxy station wagon that she drives is perfect picture of her own slightly sullied innocence, and is basically a step up from the bicycle she has to borrow from her sister. It’s undeniable that her move into occasional smoking was a good look on her, and if a little responsible, adult fun is calling you, this station wagon is all yours.
Special Agent Dale Cooper’s Car
While Special Agent Cooper’s official car was a very classy-looking Dodge Diplomat, we’re pretty sure you get a little of his detail-oriented, damn-fine-cup-of-coffee, hanging-upside-down to-think, open-to-mystical-energies-in-the-universe vibe. And it’s definitely the right vehicle to take along on official business that includes donut-procurement.
For an even more complete look at all the cars of Twin Peaks, this blog is a pretty fantastic resource.
Hero photo courtesy of Wikipedia