The thing about the best dads is that, often, when they’re doing a great job, you don’t notice them at all. Because you taught yourself to read, developed great music taste all on your own, simply materialized at school, and intuited — from a young age — the intricate dance of offensive football plays, right? Exactly. So in honor of Father’s Day this weekend, we thought we’d shine a light on all styles of awesome dads, and the cars they drive around while subtly implying life lessons.
Probably an ex-spy dad
This dad speaks tons of languages, and when you ask him about how he learned them, he’s vague about the time he spent in Egypt or Myanmar or Ukraine. “Oh that was a long time ago,” he says and waves you off. Still, you’ve noticed that in the summer heat, he manages to wear a black turtleneck without sweating. And in daunting situations — the dry cleaners is closing in 10 minutes and we really need that silk shirt, plus Billy has misplaced his phone and the car keys — he always seems to make it happen.
This dad’s motto: Just give me the details, and I’ll take care of it.
The truth is that we don’t know what the future is bringing. And while not everyone is as convinced as this dad that it’s bringing doom, we do know that whether it’s land or sea — or maybe even outer space? — that needs to be transformed into a liveable environment, this dad has a well-crafted plan. He is always always collecting canned food, and keeping his hatchet sharp. He drives this monster Jeep because it can hold all of the extra gear he’ll need to restart civilization, including extra gas and water tanks, and looks good doing it.
This dad’s motto: Don’t be scared, be prepared.
Bat-dad clearly has some kind of angst that keeps him from coaching baseball games and joining the rest of the family as they frolic at the beach. It’s unclear if he’s just really sentimental because he never really had a dad himself, or if he’s suffering from the ennui of success. Either way, he’s still a supportive dad, swooping in whenever there seems to be any flare ups, large or small. He can deftly remove a splinter as easily as he seems able to perform any martial art or develop new technology. Which is exactly why he drives the i8, it’s both mysterious and quite capable, just like him.
This dad’s motto: Just because you can’t see something, doesn’t mean it isn’t there.
This dad never beats around the bush. If he thinks your hair looks bad, he says so. When he finds a shirt he likes, he buys ten of them. He doesn’t call to chat, he just wants to know when you’re going to send him your W2 so he can get your tax return completed — and no, you can’t do it yourself because you won’t do it as well as professionals, why would you waste your time? It’s this mentality that has brought him to the Tesla Model S. He’s not into the culty EV thing, he just wants the best performing, most efficient car.
This dad’s motto: There’s got to be a better way to do that.
Crew cab dad
This dad can’t separate from his buddies, they’re connected at the hip, and you’re honestly not even sure anymore which ones you’re related to. When he comes home at night, it’s always with several dudes in tow who are as hungry as he is, but nobody minds because they usually show up with several buckets of chicken in tow or a party platter of some kind. This dad constantly reminds you to let him know when you need things — a letter of rec, a solid haircut, a deal on a designer couch, or that special face cream you like. He and his buddies have got it covered. So of course, they drive around in a sturdy F-150, with plenty of room for friends, kids, treasures, everything.
This dad’s motto: I know a guy who knows a guy.
Harry Belafonte dad
This distinguished dad has been winning people over with his smooth voice and good looks for over half a century. He’s always suave, but never afraid to speak his mind. He’s unafraid of sticking out like a sore thumb, he likes using the attention to point out injustices that need work. But don’t think this means, he doesn’t like a good time! This dad drives a vintage Porsche because it reminds him of his good old jazz days, bopping around with Charlie and Miles.
This dad’s motto: Enjoy life to the fullest, no holds barred.
Luxe loungewear dad
He may be a stay-at-home dad, but he’s still a power dad, which is why he rocks the cashmere joggers and designer baseball cap. He’s most concerned with when he’ll level up in his hot yoga class and when he’ll be able to hold both kids in his arms while he does hanging sit-ups. He’s always touting the benefits of a nice stretch, and he’s famous for surprising the family with his homemade meatballs, just like his grandma used to make. He drives a Land Rover because it’s both powerful and chic, and there’s nothing wrong with a little beauty in the everyday.
This dad’s motto: No need to get worked up, just worked out.
He freely admits that he never imagined being a dad, but now that he is one, he really effing loves it, man. It’s very centering, it feels like he has a lot of focus. This dad doesn’t really adhere to the traditional conventions of, say, meal menus or clothes, so he’s always offering up pudding cups and fish sticks for breakfast, and attending school meetings in a wetsuit with a tank top over it. The Volkswagen bus he drives isn’t just a piece of nostalgia for him, it’s a labor of love, and one that conveniently fits all of his toys.
This dad’s motto: Just roll with it.
Ken doll dad
Ken doll dad makes life seem like a breeze. He’s always tan and leaves his shirt unbuttoned down to his stomach. Nobody knows exactly what he did or does for work, because he wouldn’t dare bore anyone with the details. His interest in tennis, golf, and beach volleyball as well as his preference for a cold domestic, are what he’s happy to recount stories about. He’s not shy about the soft spot in his heart for the 90s, including his Ferrari. He’ll spend hours in the garage working to make it shine, and he loves taking the car out for a spin, just to wave at strangers. He even has a special pair of sunglasses just for those occasions.
This dad’s motto: If you’ve got it, lightly flaunt it.