The strong sea breeze coming off the Northeastern coast drives some to the hills to wear socks with sandals and make tofu, and blows others toward hip city living. Regardless of where they scatter, late summer and fall are ideal times to experience some warm northeastern hospitality.
Yes, they will be miffed if you slowly saunter on the sidewalk and no, they will not relax when you’re holding up the line for soft serve. But if you’re preparing for a late-summer jaunt into the Northeast, these are the cars that will make absolute certain that your trip is mad, wicked fun.
Steve’s Hyundai Elantra 2015
Her whole life, this Elantra has listened to her dad go on and on about how he’s a rugged, hearty man of the sea, who started his own crab shack and raised her on his own, and meanwhile she’s just some pretty, soft-handed willow who doesn’t even know how to sail. So what does he do when she finally moves back to take over the family business? He cries. Who’s the soft-handed willow now?
Karen’s Smart Fortwo 2013
He’s heard all the short jokes before, so no, he doesn’t think that one’s funny. Would you say that to Danny DeVito? This Smart car wants you to know that he’s not intimidated by height, because he’s very handy. He’s got all the same things going on as that Chatting Tanner guy. He could dance in some jeans without a shirt on too — that’s not so hard — but he’s got better things to do, alright?
Roman’s Fiat 500 2013
She wears silk scarfs and drinks ristrettos, but this Fiat is also the tiny one sitting in front of you at the Yankees game somehow holding two beers plus nachos and giving hell to the players on her team — because nothing inspires fury like love.
Jason’s Alfa Romeo 4C 2015
This Alfa thinks she’s out of your league, but she’s really not. Yes, she loves to sip on sparkling wine, indulges in gel manicures, and almost always upgrades to business class, but at the end of the day she’s just hoping for a pretty scenic drive with a witty companion.
Erin’s Toyota Prius 2011
This Prius just got back from South America and she’s really not comfortable sleeping in beds anymore; she just needs a hammock and a good banana. She’s always trying to start a party with her Shakira collection, and they’re always fun because nobody is allowed to not dance.
Graham’s Subaru Outback 2014
This Outback lettered in three high school sports, and now he’s committed to outdoor yoga, rock climbing, and the rush of nature. Lately he’s been feeling a lot of pressure from his mother, who needs to lay off, because he’s positive that in a few more months his beeswax shoe company will gain some real traction — and if not? Okay, then he’ll apply to law school or business school.
Jennifer’s Ford Freestyle 2007
We get it if you want to hole up with this Freestyle all weekend. She doesn’t say anything when you wear a visor and cargo shorts, she’s down to hit up the batting cages, and she plays DVDs to give you activity ideas so you don’t end up sitting around all day going, “I don’t know, what do you wanna do?”
Phinice’s BMW 3 Series 2009
He’s always been a little bit glamorous and he does not wait in lines. Which actually works, because this 3 Series is perpetually wearing a tux, and with salt-and-pepper hair and a classy Denzel manner, nobody can tell that he’s not a movie star. Not yet anyway.
Michael’s Mitsubishi Lancer 2010
The Lancer is a good, stand-up car — just ask anybody in the neighborhood — so quick, so sharp, always with a fresh haircut. He’s not shy about trying to impress and will talk your ear off if you’re available. You know this one is going somewhere, and you’ll want to go with him.
Sabrina’s Honda Civic 2008
This Civic looks very sophisticated in a pair of glasses, and he never sweats, even while riding a bicycle, even in the summer, even when he’s carrying something heavy, like his favorite sour beer or an accordion. He enjoys explaining that while some prefer mundane routine, others prefer mystery and perfection. You have no idea why he talks to you, but you like it.